Dream Warrior

I’ve been told the secret to a successful marriage is fidelity. Keep your wang in its holster around other females and there’s a decent chance your relationship will go the distance.

But how will prospective grooms know if they’ll always have the fortitude to resist the feminine wiles of a flirtatious secretary or hot intern who always laughs their jokes, (even the ones that aren’t even remotely funny)?

Since most self-respecting men aren’t willing to cough up $1.99 a minute to Dionne Warwick and her clairvoyant cronies at the Psychic Friends Network, here is a surefire way to determine whether you possess the moxie to make it last.

Step 1: Experience a sex dream.

Step 2: Wake up.

Step 3: Reflect.

If you find yourself furious because you resisted the simulated advances of Alyssa Milano and release the tension during your morning shower, cheating probably isn’t a part of your DNA.

However, if you wake up in a “sticky situation” the next morning and race to the office for some outside female companionship, you might want to rethink your nuptials. People aren’t cognizant that they are in a subconscious state when they dream and believe it’s reality. Therefore, if you cheat during sleep, it’s plausible you’ll eventually succomb to a similiar scenario in real life.

So, did I pass the dream test?

Ask my fiance. She describes her future husband as a habitual masturbater who owns the last three seasons of “Who’s the Boss,” so you do the math.